Say Please, Say Thank You

Author: Donald McCullough

Virtue: Respect

I came across this book not long ago while I was in a bad mood. Not that anything really horrible had happened, it was just that I had seen someone behaving in a way that I thought was less than polite and it left an unpleasant  taste in my mouth. The incident left me with a confused mixture of irritation and distress. The irritation was, of course, caused by the fact that other people don’t behave in the way I want them to. The distress, on the other hand, was due to the harsh realization creeping up my spine that I am not much better.

You see, when it comes to manners I often feel like I’m getting by by the skin of my teeth. Not that I’m intentionally rude, it’s just that half the time I don’t know what’s expected. And I’m willing to bet that more often than not the same goes for other people when they do things that others find offensive.

That was why the title of this book jumped out at me while perusing a used bookstore later that afternoon.  

When I got it home and started reading I quickly found out that Say Please, Say Thank You was meant to be a book, not about etiquette, but about respect. In fact, author Donald McCullough describes himself in the introduction as a social jackass and refers the reader to Emily Post and Judith Martin. But he then goes on to say that without the basic qualities of respect and courtesy there wouldn’t be much point to discussing manners at all.

So that is what this book is about. Respect. Each chapter focuses on some of the fundamental ways that we can show common courtesy to one another like saying please or saying thank you. Many of the points made are things we all should have learned by the age of five but, let’s face it, not all of us did (and of those who did many have forgotten.)

At the heart of this book is the message that communities are build out of small acts of kindness. But beyond being a reminder of how to show courtesy to our fellow human beings it also proved to be delightfully amusing. McCullough has filled this book with stories and anecdotes of his own attempts – and failures – to implement these lessons in his own life. He has also shared a myriad of other examples from throughout history that demonstrate just how powerful the virtue of respect can be.

This book is charming, heart-warming and well worth the read.

Three Cups of Tea

Authors: Greg Mortenson and David Oliver Relin
Virtue: Compassion

There are many virtues displayed in this book: perseverance, patience, generosity, determination. But the one quality running through the whole story, the motivation for it all, is compassion.

This is the story of Greg Mortenson, a mountain climber who in 1993 attempted to clime Pakistan's K2. When the attempt failed Mortenson was separated from his team and ended up wandering into an isolated village where he was cared for and nursed back to health by the villagers. While recovering he was moved by the sight of the village children holding classes in a field and scratching their lessons in the dirt. Not only could the village not afford a school but they could not even afford the $1 per day cost of a teacher.

When recovered Mortenson left the village promising to return to build a school. And he did. This book tells of his fundraising efforts back in the States, his adventures building the school, the foundation of a non-profit organization to build more schools and the growing friendships he established in the communities who benefit from the education.

This is a touching story and perhaps the most significant sign of that is the reaction people have after reading it. I read it because my father read it. I had watched him grinning and chuckling and misting up while buried in its pages. He read it because my grandmother read it. When we went to visit her she had borrowed it from the library and her face just melted when she talked about it. "Oh," she said. "That book's just delightful."

Now after reading it myself I can tell who's read it as soon as I mention the title. The other person's face will start beaming even before they tell me they have read it too. Clearly this is not just about one person's compassion but a story that has the ability to inspire compassion in others.

Greg Mortenson is now the executive director for the Central Asia Institute, the organization he helped found to continue building schools. Their website is http://www.ikat.org/.

To learn more about the book Three Cups of Tea visit http://www.threecupsoftea.com/.